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Now in England's Third Tier...
There is one thing that unites all football fans throughout the land, whether you’re riding high as a Portsmouth fan or watching your club struggle just to stay in business like a lowly Bournemouth supporter (shout going out to my mate, Alf). There is one thing that brings us all together in harmony. One thing that can bring peace between Sheffield United and Sheffield Wednesday, Newcastle and Sunderland, Everton and Liverpool, heck, even Rangers and Celtic.


That one thing is Dirty Leeds. Well, actually our combined hatred of the aforementioned team, but you get my drift.

Man United probably hate them more than most, even though they’ve not played them in years. And I’m a Man City fan. Isn’t an enemy of an enemy supposed to be your friend? In this case, apparently not, because I hate them too. With a passion. It’s a slightly illogical hatred, I admit, but unmistakably, hate it is.

This season Leeds have struggled their way to the brink of the Championship, even whilst enduring a 15 point penalty, but fallen at the final hurdle. What a crying shame - He he he!

Those Leeds fan embarrassingly groping for the idea that they’re still a big club will undoubtedly tell you that they were robbed by the referees and screwed by the FA, but they’d be bang wrong. The only thing that screwed Leeds United was karma and ain’t it a bitch?

For as long as I can remember and beyond, Leeds have just been an ugly club. Their fans, whilst admittedly better nowadays, were spiteful, horrible trouble makers, and their players were even worse – from the fat, sneaky, Bill Bremner and Plastic ‘hard man’, Norman Hunter, to the clueless thug, David Batty and nasty, low life, Lee Bowyer. Leeds have very few redeeming qualities. They even sold Cantona to United for a pittance, for crying out loud. I saw that one, by the way, as a deliberate attempt to antagonise me personally.


Every season they stay in League One they will find it harder and harder to get themselves out of this hole, and I for one wouldn’t be too upset to see them take their place permanently alongside the likes of (and with due respect to) Hartlepool, Yeovil, Cheltenham, and Hereford United.

So now, as they’re staring at another long hard season in the English third tier, wondering how it all turned so sour, maybe they should look back over their history, take stock, and utter the words, ‘what goes around, comes around’.
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Bad, Bad Leroy (Joey) Barton

May 21st 2008 00:23
THUG
In a hushed court room, the judge laid down his gavel (that small hammer thing), pulled open his draw and withdrew the dreaded black cloth. He placed the cloth atop his off-white, cotton syrup and dramatically bellowed the verdict. “Joseph De Do Doe Don’t De Doe Barton, you have been found guilty of thuggery of the first degree. I sentence you to be hanged by the neck until dead. Executioner, take the prisoner away!”

“Jooooeeeeyyyy!” Kevin Keegan sprang up startled and sweaty, his Newcastle United bedspread wetter than a trout’s satchel and his Newcastle United pyjamas dripping more than an otter’s pocket. But it was all a dream. King Kev took a swig of Brown Ale from his plastic Newcastle United tumbler, complete with black and white striped bendy straw, and laid his permed head back down onto his Newcastle United crested pillow. He turned over, his eyes glancing to his Newcastle United alarm clock that would wake him up again in two short hours to the tune of ‘There’s only one Kevin Keegan’. He glanced over and smiled at his life size Terry McDermott poster before his gaze dropped to his Newcastle United carpet, upon which lay a copy of today’s Big Paper. Staring back at him, the headline read, ‘Barton jailed for six months’. “Jooooeeeeyyyy


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Ronaldo The Great!

May 13th 2008 05:44
Not a show pony anymore!
Manchester United won their tenth Premier League this past weekend, amidst calls from their manager that this was his ‘best team ever’ – a claim I imagine Eric Cantona might disagree with. It’s worth remembering though that Alex Ferguson makes this claim every time United lift the trophy. He might be right too. I imagine this side would turn over the previous league winning teams, and convincingly so.

Don’t get me wrong, though, I’m not unequivocally agreeing with the red faced Scot. I’m simply saying that in a one on one contest the class of 2007/8 would beat the, say, the 1996/7 champions. However, Ferguson has had better squads and better groups of players than this current bunch, which are, so United fans convince themselves, doused with unlimited potential


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Frankie - Saint or Sinner?
Ahhh Man City. They have given journalists more to talk about in the last 25 years, than Michael Jackson and Bindi Irwin put together. Well, not together, but you know what I mean.

Being neighbours to the biggest club in the world is never easy, but far from keeping their heads down and plodding along quietly, City constantly flirt with greatness only to be slapped back down again, like a dog getting frisky with your nether regions


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Chelsea versus Spurs, 2006
The race for the Premier League title, whilst still to be contested by the three clubs you would have predicted in August last year, promises to be a very close and exciting affair. Manchester United, Arsenal and now even Chelsea all have an excellent chance of holding the trophy aloft come May.

As I said, there’s no real surprise that they’re the three teams we’re talking about, though Chelsea have stealthily one-nilled their way into contention, but we could see the lowest points tally for a Premier League winning side in quite some time. All of the so-called Big Four have slipped up far too many times this season to be called dominant and some people are even suggesting this might be the beginning of the end for the dominant quintet


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Money Talks, Feet Walk

March 12th 2008 21:59
John Terry's Match Bonus
Can I start by saying that I’m writing this article only a couple of hours after handing across nearly a third of my weekly wage to a lovely man who spoke no English? The reason why? It’s now a heinous crime to park your own car outside you own house! A crime, so serious, that its law enforcer’s, armed with a very large piece of yellow metal, have a response time of just 42 seconds, precisely.

Football has proven that it relishes a hero, and persecutes a villain. It has also proven that the gulf between the two can be as little as 90 minutes. Loyalty is a luxury that is demanded by every football fan, but one that is very rarely seen. The hypocrisy that has filtered into a game that has tens of millions of pounds thrown at its celebrities is ever growing. It baffles me as to how a man like Dennis Wise can rant and rave about his players opting out of their contracts early, as soon as the £ sign come knocking at their door. How the now St James’ Park backroom boy easily forgets Leeds United. A club that gave him such a unique chance to be a part of their revolution, after only being in charge at Swindon Town for two minutes


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FA Cup Throws up Many Surprises

March 11th 2008 21:40
Portsmouth, Barnsley, West Bromwich Albion and Cardiff; one of these teams will have their etched on to the FA Cup this coming May. The competition, known for giving the minnows of English football a chance to pit their talents against the big boys, has thrown up even more surprises this year and season 2007/8 shall undoubtedly be known as the year of the underdog.

The fact that the big clubs stranglehold on the competition has gone means that any of the clubs still in the draw will feel they have a realistic chance. Somebody’s got to win it


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LA Galaxy move, a bad idea?
In Shanghai this week, during LA Galaxy’s three-city Asian tour, David Beckham once again spoke about his desire to win his place back in the England side and get his hands on just one more international cap.

I have to take a deep breath, at this point, and regain my composure


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The Day of the Cheap Manager is Over!

February 28th 2008 03:46
The man for Chelsea?
They're still a way behind their playing counterparts but managers around the world are now demanding salaries that would make the likes of Brian Clough, Bob Paisley, Matt Busby and Joe Mercer blush with embarassment. But why shouldn't they?

Players are earning millions a year, so it is wholly justified that the men, who often carry the weight of an entire club on their hopefully broad shoulders, should also be in the money. They live by the sword and die by the sword more than any other position in football and should definitely be rewarded as such


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The League Cup Weekend

February 22nd 2008 05:00
The FIFA World Cup Trophy
The Poor Man's League Cup?
Has anybody else noticed that, unless your team is directly involved, the Milk Cup sneaks up on us completely unnoticed every year?

That could be because it reminds one of an old friend who you've just not got anything in common with anymore and who, if we're honest, gets on your nerves slightly


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