Bad, Bad Leroy (Joey) Barton
May 21st 2008 00:23
“Jooooeeeeyyyy!” Kevin Keegan sprang up startled and sweaty, his Newcastle United bedspread wetter than a trout’s satchel and his Newcastle United pyjamas dripping more than an otter’s pocket. But it was all a dream. King Kev took a swig of Brown Ale from his plastic Newcastle United tumbler, complete with black and white striped bendy straw, and laid his permed head back down onto his Newcastle United crested pillow. He turned over, his eyes glancing to his Newcastle United alarm clock that would wake him up again in two short hours to the tune of ‘There’s only one Kevin Keegan’. He glanced over and smiled at his life size Terry McDermott poster before his gaze dropped to his Newcastle United carpet, upon which lay a copy of today’s Big Paper. Staring back at him, the headline read, ‘Barton jailed for six months’. “Jooooeeeeyyyy!”
After admitting assault and affray Barton has indeed been jailed for six months for his role in an incident in Liverpool last year. Now, when I say ‘an incident,’ I actually mean ‘a violent and cowardly attack on one man and a 16 year old boy with a few less teeth than when he started the night.’
Of course Kevin Keegan is expected to throw his full weight behind defending his saintly midfielder, whom he has blindly defended on more than one occasion. Reports of Keegan smuggling his Newcastle United ‘blanky’ into Dartmoor for Barton’s comfort are still unconfirmed.
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Comment by The Inzpekta
After Keith "I spent all my time drinking in the Toon's Irish club which happens to be 50 yards from St James's" Gillespie, Craig "small man and being Welsh sydrome" Bellamy and Lee "I'm not rascist I just don't like students" Bowyer you'd think they'd stop buying aggro alcoholics.
Comment by Anonymous
These "victims" set out to provoke a reaction from someone they are aware has a quick temper and that is exactly what they got.